I’ve been silent over here for more than a week, but with reason. I had so much to do, so much happened/changed. So in this post I talk about me again after a lot of photos, it’s like a continuance of ‘Who am I without what I was used to do‘.
I talked about my Grandma back then. That I took care of her for three years before she came into hospital at the beginning of January. Then she spent a long time in the rehab and I was overwhelmed with paperwork.
Today she moved into a nursing home, people say it’s the best in town. I’m so glad that she simply got a place. That’s unusual. I’m so happy. Most people who know my Grandma reacted like ‘Oh no! It’s so sad that she has to go there’. But I came to the realisation that after all what happened and the large amount of help that she needs now, it’s not bad or sad at all because she has it best here.
Over the last years when she began to need more and more help and had more and more pain, I also thought that it would be so cold-hearted to give her into such a place. And she feared it like crazy. So I gave all I could.
Now after all what happened and after she spent so much time in the hospital first and then in the rehab, she’s used to have a red button she can press when she needs help and at least one person is there to help. She needs a team, one person can’t do all the work. And even though she can walk again, she doesn’t want to stand the pain anymore and found her peace with the wheelchair. She found her peace with having a nice little room with a balcony in a house where people care for her laundry and food and so on. She let go and enjoys that she doesn’t need to do anything. She laughs when I tell her how much paperwork I have to do for her.
So for me it is a big relief that I don’t need to care for her physical well-being anymore. I couldn’t.
Still I ask myself ‘who am I without her?’ ‘what will I do when she isn’t there anymore?’
Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ll probably get the answer sooner than I want. It’s just, as you see, I run around and manage everything.
Yesterday I sat down with my notebook and thought writing about what is actually about me. First I went through all the things I need to manage for my own life, but hardly can because at the time I have so much to do for granny. Then I tried to go deeper into myself and find what’s truly about me. I ended up cooking food because my body was longing for vegetables. Very practicable but hmmm… I still have not many better ideas.
Right now it is 1.54 pm CET (I probably won’t post this before tonight) I sit in my Grandmas new room, she just lay down for a little after lunch nap, and I wait for her new wheelchair to come.
Because I was so bored I write this post on a napkin now.
That guy who delivers the wheelchair just called me. He stood in front of Granny’s old house and moaned because there is nobody. I extra called their office yesterday or monday and told them that they have to bring it here into the nursing home…! *sigh* Oh well, solar flare fried people.
Okay, now the wheelchair came.
Nice! Now I can go on with my to-do list.
Bye bye 🙂
My mother, who was a huge help while bringing grandma from the rehab to the nursing home, and I celebrated the succesful move at our favorite indian restaurant. I eat vegan and gluten-free, never a problem there 🙂 and I ate too much. xP 😀
I’m happy that I used the boring one and a half hours to write the napkin post because tomorrow the running around goes on. For example will Grandma and I will search her friend who lives in that house too.
Friday is fully reserved for a photo trip, because soon it’s April and time for a new header.
Have a good night or day
Lot’s of Light and Love