‘Art helps you to learn who you are’ (written on the second pic) is the not a hundred percent fitting wording for what I had on mind while I created the first two pics.
I didn’t feel well. A lot of emotions led me to confusion and frustration. It’s hard to say what made/makes me feel so unbalanced. The most obvious things lead me to my Grandma. I try to explain it very short.
I took care of her for three years. Last summer it began to be very difficult. My nan had pain and not much lust for life anymore. But she feared to let go of all the things in her flat, to go into a home for old people and to accept a wheel chair.
At the beginning of January, she came into the hospital. She had two cerebral hemorrhages. Because of that, she is demented now and sits in a wheel chair. It was impossible to take care of her in her old flat, so she came into a home for old people, we let her decide which one and she luckily got a room.
When she was in her new home and got the furnitures of hers we thought she loved most (she couldn’t say what she wanted, I asked a thousand times), we (my mother and I) terminated the flat. It was a heavy task to deal with all the stuff Grandma kept. We just finished at the end of June. With that the chapter is closed.
My chapter of going to there every day for three years. And hers of living there for 30 years.
Because she’s demented, I do her paperwork now. That is quite a lot! Is that a german thing that even old people get overwhelmed with tons of paper? I have to organise a lot, the to-do list doesn’t get shorter.
And then there is my Grandma who wants to get entertained. We visit her twice a week and bring her into the city. As much fun it is to spend time with her and as happy as we are that she is steady enough for that, it is exhausting as well.
So that is maybe the biggest part of what makes me feel stressed out and frustrated. It is so obvious… but there is more.
Like my personal tasks, I want to move into a new flat, best would be another city but I can’t leave because of my nan. I need a job… currently I have a sprained foot and today I have to go to the dentist 😛 … etc.
I’d really like to travel somewhere far away, but that isn’t possible at the time. So a much easier way to find to my inner self again is Art. Usually I paint with acrylic but it was too much work to get the colours out, and especially to clean the brushes after painting. So I just took my felt pens and created what you see below. The important pictures are the first two. The third is made the next day.
A better way to word what I did is ‘Art connects you to your inner self/inner guidance’.