Hi everyone 🙂
“The real revolution is the evolutiuon of concsiousnes” ~ … I wish I could tell you who said that… I looove the quote.
The title describes the feeling I had today, or yesterday when this goes out.
As you could read yesterday, last week was awesome. This week it’s kinda back to the old frustration and disappointment of all.
Before my work experience I had plans or at least the idea to move out and away to Darmstadt and to do an “FÖJ”. My dictionary leo.org explains it like this: “in Germany: gap year taken to work as a volunteer in environmental projects.”
Then the work experience came and I found back to how much I actually want to work in the café which made the project seem kinda uninteresting. And now, this week something else brought me back the ground of what is possible. My grandma. Her glasses where broken and she needs a dentist. That kept me super busy all week and she still needs to see the dentist to get fixed what he found out today that needs to be fixed. Besides rather little things that need to get done, like we need to go shopping for her…
I couldn’t take care of unexpected things if I lived one hour away from Wiesbaden, working Monday-Friday. So bye bye idea. But it’s okay.
Something else then my caretaker job which really really really begins to piss me off after four and a half years, is the feeling I was musing about today.
It’s a pretty uncomfortable feeling… I made a few notes of what I need/long for.
* creative activity
* the right contacts/people
* spontaneous adventures (the fun ones, no fear based adrenalin kicks)
* options to express myself
* expression of the rebel I feel inside
I wanna do. Be creative. Too bad that I hardly can do things alone… I met so many lovely people lately but I don’t belong into their scene/direction. I love the two people who are in the scene and like their friends but I felt the strong need for more spiritual people again today. No fluffy spirituality like you see online. Spiritual philosophers who just live and taste their lives. Open minded, positively, curious and creative… Or just that vibration…
I want to express and experience myself. Unfortunately I feel like a fish without water, a train without rails. I feel like I have no possibilities to get out what I have inside. I hope to get it out soon and to turn it into something amazing.
Another thought came to me taking a walk. It seems like I feel the dissatisfaction and disappointment of my whole generation weighting on me. We are some sort of new punks. We should start our movement. But it looks like many have to wake up to this first… or I’m alone with it? We have to find our way of expression. What I feel is that it isn’t quite soft or silent always but it shouldn’t hurt or harm anybody. It should remain a voice of love. Please don’t let me alone with this…
See ya next month 😉