I often feel under pressure when my inner course seems like “doing nothing” to my mind. It goes all crazy then. I thought about giving you a sneak peek of its talk, but decided then to skip that because I bet you all know it and how it feels so it’s unnecessary.
Out of society’s eyes I’m a hopeless idiot for a lot of things. I have no graduation at all, I have no job (well I kinda have one but neither get paid nor much to do right lately… that experience might be over already -.- ).
I try not to, but still I feel unworthy because I don’t go with the masses, that just automatically happens. I call my focus back to myself then. I truly feel deep sense in the path I chose. We all want change, freedom, fairness, peace, love, or just to feel truly home on this planet and comfortable wherever we are and whatever we do. So we cannot let fear hold us back from creating a better Now, a happier lifestyle, a fruitful and inspiring, uplifting environment.
I don’t refuse the traditional ways because I’m lazy, but because it was and is a pain in the ass to me. I quit school not because I’m against education but because this school system is neither teaching me true knowledge nor serving me in becoming my greatest version. So I refuse to support it with my presence. This weren’t the words with which I left it. Back then I wasn’t aware of what was wrong, but my subconscious spoke through a ton of body symptoms which made me unable to fit in for just one day longer (this was in summer 2010). It took me a long time (two years) to recover from this, to understand what my body was telling me so the symptoms would ease off.
Well, so my mind is freaking out because of this. It has no one to look at and say yea he/she is going though the same and it works. It only sees and hears all these people doing it the way it always has been done. So I’m not mad at my mind, instead I try to calm it down and to take the focus away from the madness.
Wow this sounds so loving and easy! That must be the calmness I have when I’m totally devoted to my passion of writing. But sometimes it’s quite loud in my head and then it seems way not as easy, though it might be.
Peace starts with the realization of what’s going on. “Oh this is my mind being in panic”. Then I shift the focus: “What do I want? I want to feel good. What does support my heart’s wishes?” I bring myself back into my heart’s perspective, where I can see and decide what’s truly important right Now and what can wait.
To enter the state of allowing helps the universe to support you. It’s a wonderful way to test which old system things are still so important that universe leads them into the ways by itself. Like the paperwork for my grandmas taxes. It did itself through me, in a way that was acceptable and comfortable for me. I realize I have time to flow and I can trust that the truly important things will get done; instead of fighting myself through it, lead by my shouting mind, feeling miserable and trapped.
Thumbs up for awareness 😀 We know all this and still we find ourselves doing this lesson again and again. Why? Because being aware/awake means being in the moment and this is a constant process. It doesn’t last because this universe is constantly changing and therefore it has to be created each moment anew. But don’t worry, no human being on this planet is a 100% aware and in the moment all the time, and that’s okay. We can live this beautiful aha moments again and again 🙂