Now this a kind of post, I think I never published something like it.
It’s a private text, I wrote to get out my anger about someone and something that happened. I wrote it to someone, I think he would never read this. I probably wouldn’t dare to speak into his face straight like this either because I’m so ridiculously scared to hurt people. But also because he won’t understand, and not all of this anger belongs to what he said, but to someone from the past who was so alike. Anyways I had the need to post this. Maybe because I think from an objective writers view this is a good text. So don’t take it personally, I’m not talking to you 😉
Why does my no from heart hurt you?! I don’t mean to hurt you! Why, just why does keeping my boundaries makes you so upset? Why do you have to claim the right to get it? Why do you force me to ignore my boundaries? Now I tell you what you did and again you do drama. Again you claim to be the one who is right. Again you make me feel guilty for being who I am. Don’t I have the right to place my boundaries where I feel they belong? I don’t blame you, you don’t have the consciousness, you never stood up for your own boundaries, right? So you (unconsciously) ask me to step over mine so you don’t have to feel the pain of your own being disrespected all the time, right? You promised you’ll except my will next time, that you’ll wait for my permission next time. Because you respect and love me so much. Still I have the bitter feeling that you don’t understand me at all. And if next time happens, it probably will be the fucking same story. Now the question I have to myself: why can’t I cut you out of my life, though I think that would be good. Am I so desperate for being understood that I mistake it with being adored? You don’t even adore me the way I adore people, on a soul level, no you’re just horny. It’s a shame.