Hello everyone ❤
Shifting hit me hard on friday, I got a cold and spent most of my time in bed sleeping, till now. Couldn’t even visit my fiancé which made us very sad, as we only have the weekends until we finally move together, which will hopefully happen soon.
This is a very interesting break, universe grounded me in order to slow down, cleanse and recharge.
I have such motivation to work hard and full power, rooted deep in my soul, and that’s how I rush through my days, even through my ‘doing nothing’. I know I have to leave this behind and learn how to play and have it easy. Universe reminds me of that from time to time by letting me run against a big stop sign.
I have intense detox symptoms and only light cold symptoms. The only medication my body wanted so far is loooads and loooads of water and a ton of sleep.
Today now I got so much better, that I can sit in my bed, write and think more clearly again.
I really dislike these processes, though I recognize the significance and enjoy the refreshing results once the uncomfortable parts are over.
I have a hard time not feeling punished by the symptoms and the pain… The human self feels helpless, meaningless, wrong and doomed soo fast, yet I know and remind my human self that this is only to our best. It might feel shitty but is absolutely worth the result. I mean the tattoo of your dreams is worth the pain as well, right? And the shit that got cleaned out of your body system, dna, energetic bodies, etc. once, is gone for ever. So worth it 😉
I have a lot to integrate as well. The past weeks have been so full of everything.
First I was about to list all kinds of things I’ve been through one by one. But whatever it is, in the end every human being can sum it up as ‘I/she lived’.
What really matters is the essence of all and what we learn from it and to get inspired.
Today I feel like I free a gentle and crazy part of myself that I learned to look away in very early ages as it got so much discredit and seemed to cause discomfort in others.
These days I feel like I’m so overly self-controlled and feel like I burn myself with all the energy and realness I hold back out of fear to cause any kind of harm or confusion to others, but also out of the fear to be bullied, misunderstood, made ‘fun’ of, disliked… I experienced all these negative things to the extreme when I grew up, and I’m a sensitive being, it hit me hard and deeply.
But the more consciousness I develop over the parts I hold back , I realize that I really like them and I feel incomplete without expressing them. And above all I can’t understand what could be wrong about these lovely parts of myself. If someone gets offended by them, then they have a problem but not me.
So I’m all about building self-confidence and learning to express what ever comes intuitively.
There is a difference to me as a young child, being naturally whole, and me now rebuilding my wholeness. Now I know how it feels like to miss parts of myself, that were never lost yet locked out of my conscious life experience. When I free these parts now, I experience myself in a whole new light and have higher consciousness over myself, than I had with my natural birth consciousness.
Knowing this makes me feel peaceful about every of these states in my life. Because all states together are the essence, the fruit of life experience I’ll take home at the end of my life. Nothing is bad, there are no mistakes.
Now I end this post with photos I made of a young rose-ringed parakeet, who visited me yesterday. 🙂
Stay positive and inspired ❤
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