Grounded ~ Recharging ~ shifting time ॐ

Hello everyone ❤

Shifting hit me hard on friday, I got a cold and spent most of my time in bed sleeping, till now. Couldn’t even visit my fiancé which made us very sad, as we only have the weekends until we finally move together, which will hopefully happen soon.

This is a very interesting break, universe grounded me in order to slow down, cleanse and recharge.
I have such motivation to work hard and full power, rooted deep in my soul, and that’s how I rush through my days, even through my ‘doing nothing’. I know I have to leave this behind and learn how to play and have it easy. Universe reminds me of that from time to time by letting me run against a big stop sign.
I have intense detox symptoms and only light cold symptoms. The only medication my body wanted so far is loooads and loooads of water and a ton of sleep.
Today now I got so much better, that I can sit in my bed, write and think more clearly again.
I really dislike these processes, though I recognize the significance and enjoy the refreshing results once the uncomfortable parts are over.
I have a hard time not feeling punished by the symptoms and the pain… The human self feels helpless, meaningless, wrong and doomed soo fast, yet I know and remind my human self that this is only to our best. It might feel shitty but is absolutely worth the result. I mean the tattoo of your dreams is worth the pain as well, right? And the shit that got cleaned out of your body system, dna, energetic bodies, etc. once, is gone for ever. So worth it 😉

I have a lot to integrate as well. The past weeks have been so full of everything.
First I was about to list all kinds of things I’ve been through one by one. But whatever it is, in the end every human being can sum it up as ‘I/she lived’.
What really matters is the essence of all and what we learn from it and to get inspired.

Today I feel like I free a gentle and crazy part of myself that I learned to look away in  very early ages as it got so much discredit and seemed to cause discomfort in others.
These days I feel like I’m so overly self-controlled and feel like I burn myself with all the energy and realness I hold back out of fear to cause any kind of harm or confusion to others, but also out of the fear to be bullied, misunderstood, made ‘fun’ of, disliked… I experienced all these negative things to the extreme when I grew up, and I’m a sensitive being, it hit me hard and deeply.
But the more consciousness I develop over the parts I hold back , I realize that I really like them and I feel incomplete without expressing them. And above all I can’t understand what could be wrong about these lovely parts of myself. If someone gets offended by them, then they have a problem but not me.
So I’m all about building self-confidence and learning to express what ever comes intuitively.

There is a difference to me as a young child, being naturally whole, and me now rebuilding my wholeness. Now I know how it feels like to miss parts of myself, that were never lost yet locked out of my conscious life experience. When I free these parts now, I experience myself in a whole new light and have higher consciousness over myself, than I had with my natural birth consciousness.
Knowing this makes me feel peaceful about every of these states in my life. Because all states together are the essence, the fruit of life experience I’ll take home at the end of my life. Nothing is bad, there are no mistakes.

Now I end this post with photos I made of a young rose-ringed parakeet, who visited me yesterday. 🙂
Stay positive and inspired ❤
Much Love

© Fillandra © Fillandra

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2 thoughts on “Grounded ~ Recharging ~ shifting time ॐ

  1. Hey girl. I’m here because i saw your comment on the instagram page of “infinite waters” about your problem with school and job, and you said that you wanna know people who went similar paths. So I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone, I’ve been all my school life with the same feeling…and misunderstood for the majority…what took me many psycological troubles. When the university and job came…in only six months I was really sick. Many symptoms that no doctor could explain, so i left the new life behind and came back to the house of my parents so shamed of myself…and so its been almost a year to get better…then, one more year being good and I decided to start again…new university, new course, new job…this time i got sick in only 2 months – the old symptoms with new symptoms…the same kind of “no doctor can explain”…and here I am trying to pass throught it all. I hope you can be good in such a time. I’m sending love and light to you. Sorry for my english. If you wanna talk about it, don’t hesitate about writting me. We, different kind of people, must help each other in being this wonderful way that society cannot understand.

    • Welcome Iasmim ♥ ॐ
      Thank you so much for your reply 🙂 I feel very honored that you came all the way here to my loved blog.
      Don’t worry about your english, mine isn’t perfect either, I’m german.
      I can relate to your psychological issues, I’ve been struggling with a ton of them since I’m very young. Ever since I was able to recognize thought and behavior patterns and emotions and all that in the grown-ups around me I’ve been struggling to understand them. What caused most of the roots of my problems us that I couldn’t word my questions. I was wondering what the sense was behind all the things I recognized. I was longing for someone to explain me what all this ment and how to deal with it and how to deal with my emotions.
      I don’t want to roll my “mental health issues” out in detail because that would be too much text but I take it now as that going through all this consciously helped me to understand how it “works” and so I can guide others who go through a similar process and help them understand.
      I broke up school back in 2010. I’ve always dealt with massive fear being in school, sometimes I left a class and went to the wc because I was having a panic attack or emotional break down. The final day in 2010 was when my mom and i moved here and I was really really hopeful to finally get my perfect and fun movie alike school experience. But I made it only two days. My symptom was that I had the feeling I need to pee reeeeally reeeeally badly as if I would embarrass myself any second, even if I just peed a minute ago. I was feeling totally unsave and in such a physical panic that it traumatized me.
      On day three mom went with me to give me a feeling of security on the way to my school. I made it till one bus stop before the school. Then I panicked, ran out of the bus and looked for a bush I could pee into unseen only to see my bladder was empty. We walked back home and I fed Robins with my backed lunch in the park on the way.
      From then on I couldn’t go out in public for two years. I could only menage the 5 minutes walk to my grandma ever day, I was taking care of her. It was hard and stressful training to regain my ability to go out into the city. Gosh if I think about all this (I usually pretend like it never happened) I’m so glad and so thankful where I am today!

      We probed to ourselves that the old options are no options for us, they obviously don’t work. So we shall make decisions out of love and respect to ourselves. Little decisions build the path to what comes to us in future. It’s like we build new options for many people by thinking new thoughts and feeling our way through where nobody has been before.
      It’s just so good to communicate this with someone who stands a similar place. Welcome to the blissful community 🙂 ♥
      Much Love and blessings ♥ ॐ

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