Good Morning System ~ asking for change!

I woke up early this morning as I didn’t seem to have a deep sleep last night. It’s like my consciousness stayed near my body, and this body didn’t feel too comfortable, so I got frustrated after some time and started to ponder about things. Outside the sky lightened up in an interesting pale blue tone which looked, mixed with the orange street lights, a bit strange and out of this world.  And there it suddenly broke loose – the first rush hour wave at 4 am in the morning. I live in a main road (luckily with good isolating windows) and I listened to the incoming madness. Every time the traffic lights up the street turned green, it’s like you open barn doors and a herd of wild horses dashes out.
Only that these people don’t run into their freedom…
I don’t live to do the same! I’m terrified of this lifestyle. I’ve been all my school years, which probably has been the end cause of my body developing symptoms, which made it impossible for me to continue (I left without graduation).
Some of my readers might remember my old posts about this. Out of the frustration I had because I ‘failed’, I developed this rebel mind. But also, if not more, because I began to realize why I was in this situation and what I actually wanted.
These days I have to ask myself with gnashing teeth if I can really make it without that stupid paper.
You know I don’t claim to burn down or close any school. I’m not against education. And to myself, I’m not lazy or dumb (my english is mostly self-taught), unlike to what some people assume after I tell them that I quitted school. It makes me crazy how then they willingly ignore anything wise I said before.
I just want to set a sign and ask for change! These papers become part of peoples personalities, in fact people measure each others worth based on their grades. And later based on their jobs, their income, their possessions… This is so fucked up it makes me feel sick in my stomach and really really sad. Where is the humanness? Where is the joy? Where is the creativity? Where is the love? Where is the individuality and the trust in the self and in others?
I always said I’d rather sleep under a bridge than being another rat in the wheel. (I’d prefer a creative solution in form of creating a way to earn money, fulfilling my purpose, though of course)
What changed? Not much, but I’m engaged and my Love and I want to move together. He studies and I can’t let him earn all the money alone, besides that I wouldn’t want this. I have a bit of an ego too and it wouldn’t be fair to him. He wants to study and shall have the time he needs for it.
For years now I wracked my brain, searched and even prayed… Always having this compass inside that tells me somewhere out there it is and it tells me I got way closer, yet the answer is still a mystery veiled in mist.
Sometimes this makes me feel so sick and tired… yet I haven’t kept going, since this journey started 2010, to give up now, have I?     Another question could be ‘Is there another true path for me than this one?’
For those who ask themselves what did she do all this time? I took and take care of my grandma and live from family support still.
And I developed to the person who I am today. Happier, healthier (physical, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), more conscious and mindful, etc.

Well let me use this a bit as an unconventional and alternative job interview.
I’m 20, live in Wiesbaden Germany. I have spiritual healing abilities, though I just begin to consciously develop and understand them. I’m a writer and creative in general. I like to photograph and paint. Inspiring and assisting people with their life situation is my passion and purpose. My dream ‘job’ is a free and friendly mix of all this and has room for all the passions I have yet to discover. It gives me joy, chances to grow and learn and it gives others hope, inspiration and healing.
And it might be something new, created together with a group of loving, like-minded people.

Read you soon ❤
Fillandra

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19 thoughts on “Good Morning System ~ asking for change!

  1. Dear Fillandra,

    I hear you! – And I like your job interview a lot. In spite of the age difference mine would look rather similar, actually. There you go… 😉

    You wrote that you feel terrified of the life style that has become conventional over the last era. Mee, too. Or maybe I should say the thought that this might be all there is scares me because I already experienced that I do not fit in – and I tried.
    On the other hand this idea keeps coming back to me, that there must be another way. I know there is. It seems our compasses are of the same kind. ❤

    Personally, I never thought that a piece of paper is telling you much about a person. I have pulled through, made the Abitur and broke off college after two years. So, how does that set me apart from somebody who left school earlier than I did? All that sets us people apart are our individual experiences. And at the same time those are, what unifies us, aren't they?

    Maybe we have to create a new path while we are walking. I know we are not the only ones who are feeling this. In fact, I notice that more and more people are arriving at a similar perspective, currently. I notice a franticness out there. A big feeling of disorientation. I guess that is a good sign because it ultimately means that there is a chance for a shift into a direction that may be healthier and of more benefit for all.

    Rememberng this does not always help with the fear, the doubt and the disorientation. At least, I have momentarily no clue where this all goes or how it will look like. But at least there is a silver lining. 🙂

    Kurt Tepperwein once said, the secret to success is to keep going untill you have reached your goal. So, if we want to successfully establish a new standard, I guess we have to keep going…

    Thank you for all the beautiful posts you have written, recently – including this one, of course!
    (My mum often took me to the Karl-May-Festspiele in Bad Segeberg when I was a child and I hope to go there again and introduce the event to my husband, one day…)

    Much love,
    Steffi

    • Hey Steffi ❤

      Mh 🙂 Maybe we are of the same soul group and soul age? ^^
      I'm happy you like the job interview because I love it too. I was nearly done with the post as it fell into me and I was like Oh oh oh that's goood and wrote it down feeling euphoric.:D

      I never understood this measuring of worth and use, along with a huge amount of preach and criticism, people do to each other either. Since I'm a little child I think 'whaaat the heck!?!?!' so often and I'm so lucky that after at least 18 if not more years of standing in scenarios, being overwhelmed, stunned and speechless by how all this makes me feel, I finally more and more learn to connect with this vibration in oder to build a bridge to mine and to find the words to speak about what's inside of me and what I see and feel.

      Well I can tell that we have it more and more easy to navigate and create. The energetic structures have changed so much over the past years. The difference to the time when I was born is even more massive (growing up was hard for me because I wasn't made for this energy. I was supposed to come in when this body is 18 (2012) but some family member souls disagreed to this experience so I came in at birth.)
      Well over the last years a massive amount of structure has fractured, we tidied up the pieces and now the dust. Everything feels so much more fluid, flexible and in movement to me, but also more colorful and uplifting. When I observe and connect to any kind of energy (manifested or less physical), it responses to me and I must say the feedback of many fields became way more friendly. Maybe even to a degree that it's able to uplift and inspire certain people who are moving through them in their day to day life.

      I hope my answer is not too fuzzy. Today I'm unable to appraise that… Clarity is not my strength today, I'm not connected to my feet energetically (that's how it looks like from a higher perspective on me. I actually spent long times in my life like this, that's why others thought I was crazy. I couldn't overview or see things that were obvious to others). I bet a lot get's readjusted today.

      I thank you a lot for reading and appreciating my writing ❤ It means the world to me to have feedback like yours ❤ Thanks to you I know I'm not alone and that gives me more hope than I can put into words.

      Love, Angel feather and sun shine 😉 ❤
      Filla

      • Hej Filla,

        everything you wrote makes sense to me.

        I agree, the energies have changed since the 90’s (or probably since the harmonic convergence in the late 80’s). When you were born I was at your current age. I was not made for those energies either and fortunately managed to stay connected to the energie I came from and I am bringing with me for a long time. In the mid 90’s though, I somewhat lost it and it took until these days to actually find it, again. It did not leave me speechless as you are describing your experience with this, but it often left me feeling alone and as if there is no place for me in this world.

        Sooo – who knew? – I hear you, again! 😉

        Thank you for coming in early and joining the party! It would have been much more lonely without you. ❤

        Much love and happy re-adjusting,
        Steffi

      • Steffiiiiii ❤ 😀 ❤

        Oh I know the feeling of loneliness as well but I rather felt like I described because I was quite motivated about my mission (even though I constantly struggled putting it all into words).
        Even in my darkest days filled with the most radical self hate and even though I got so much hate, negativity and bad attention from others – I loved people, I loved humanity. I had such compassion and patience and love for every being around me, that was out of this world.
        Though my 'job' I came here with was the vibrational difference that caused so much difficulties in my life it also was what kept suicidal me alive. I'm 'cured' of/done with (I see these things as lessons) the suicidal thing these days. The last bits of it fell of November/December last year. :3 Makes me feel blessed and proud.
        I still sometimes struggle with one or the other 'mental health thing' but I'm patient with my self (and the world). As they say Rom wasn't build in one day 🙂
        I also think that I went through these depths to be able to assist others who go through their own shadows, depression and stuff. Because I already could help 🙂

        Love Love Love ❤

      • Yep, I can sign all of this – and especially went to similar experiences when I was your age. Some of them have recently come back to be reviewed. 😉 – I resonate a lot with how you described that you always loved humanity in spite of everything. Same here. I can also say this for myself. Even in the darkest hours and in those moments when I thought I wanted to leave the world I still had love for myself. While we are exploring this, here, I come to notice that it actually has been this love that kept me alive and going. I is always love. ❤

      • Oh I noticed an interesting fear. I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner, and so after I relpied to your comment, I went to cut broccoli. I thought about your sweet reply and the last part where you thanked me for being here and there the voice (that comments me quite often) spoke up about how rude I was for neither thanking you for these sweet words nor complimenting you as well. And I was like oh noo and I can’t safe the situation, only make it better by excusing and sending a thank you after.
        Then I was like wait a minute! what is this?
        I have such a ridiculous amount of fear that I hurt or offend others… I notice that for quite a while…
        What do you think about this?

      • First of all I did not experience anything you did as rude. We are having an exchange and you are going with the flow. It we would sit at a table together and talk to each other, we would not have to say thank you after every other sentence because we would see it in each others eyes and feel it. It is just a habit that I started to practise, to express this gratitude in words (when I remember it) – especially while roaming the internet. I come from a generation where we did not grow up with internet and text communication. It still sometimes feels challenging to me to communicate via “bits and bites”. So I guess my interaction via this medium is just a bit different from yours. Not better or worse. Just different. 🙂
        Does that make sense?

      • Oh yes it does make sense, in a rather resonating way though as I grew up without internet (and stuff like tv) as well, only have it since I’m 15-16.
        I love to express my gratitude as well (and guess what that voice wants to talk that small as well sometimes, but can’t ^^).
        I took this moment as an example and wondered what you think about this fear in general.
        I guess other people experience this in a more common way in their job or so maybe… I sometimes assume that because I’m so out of the regular world, that I experience collective common patterns or how ever to name them, in a different way… if that makes sense…

      • Aahh, now I got you!
        As you obviously have guessed, his fear of offending or hurting people is something very familiar to me, as well. As for your question, I had to think about this for a bit and am not sure if I can put it into words properly, yet. I give it a go, though…

        I can only speak from my own experience, and when I feel into my own fear of this kind I believe it comes from this place of being out of place all the time…

        Allow me to explain:
        When I notice what I notice and express it, it often seems to scare people. They maybe experience something as offence or hurt, because it triggers something within them. They then tend to project this painful experience onto the messenger which, in that case would be me. And then I feel like any moment a crowd of people will come running and put me on the stake…

        I also call this the “witch syndrome”. (I guess I was bured as a witch a few times too often… 😉 )

        I also noticed that the more truth I “channel” the bigger the fear that might follow (given that this pattern shows up).

        As I experienced myself as somebody who has a perspective that is different from most people’s perspectives I constantly see myself in the responsibility to explain myself so that people can understand where I come from. (As an empath it often seems easier for me to understand where they come from than vice versa.) But it really is out of my hands. I cannot control what other people think or feel. (And I don’t want to, either.) So, taking on this responsibility can feel quite scary and obviously is overwhelming – especially when you don’t see the other person eye to eye.

        That is how I experience this kind of fear. I don’t know in how far that resonates with you… But this is what came out of me as an answer…

      • Yes I can resonate with you quite a bit and you obviously can put it into words better than I can at this time 🙂
        For me personally, I have been proven over the last 1 or 2 years, that not everything what I feel about others is because of my empathy. That’s why I came to the point that’s my emotions or issues that I project on others and so fear to face in them or their reaction.
        And I also don’t assume that it’s necessary past life related in that way. (Like related to past life happenings, as I healed all of that, actually. It could be related to past life personality at most… something that wants to be rebalanced.)
        Yes a lot is a mystery when you only get response in a written form, it’s a good way to practice one self in feeling and empathising with somebodys energy over such a distance though.
        Speaking of being eye to eye, I wanted to bring this idea up for longer, if possible I’ll travel to my home town again this year and I always have a bit time (a half up to an hour) in Hamburg, we could meet if you like 🙂
        I’d be scared that I’m shy then and don’t know what to say by the way. I had that situation before, of meeting people I only knew through the internet and telephone before and I’m always a bit nervous ^^ it’s funny, we ancient souls feel, probably because of our consciousness about past times, so new to this internet stuff ^^

      • Yes, it can be tricky to notice which is our own and which belongs to others as a highly empathic person. Also, I recon that sometimes it can be both as we often meet people with similar issues when on the path of learning or dissolving certain issues.

        I like the idea of meeting in Hamburg some time when you are on transition to visiting your home town. I suggest that we email each other for further details regarding this, what do you think?

        Maybe we are both shy when we meet. Then it is what it is. I am sure we can enjoy our time together either way. 🙂 – Also, it would be a first because I have never experienced an hour of silence with another Libra… lol

      • Hahaha you made me giggle 😀 Yup I think we will find something to communicate as well 🙂 I only need to look at our comment ping pong to see that we always find new things to speak about 🙂
        Yes and we also can sense things about people, which they arent aware about yet. It’s tricky to tell a definite truth in such a flexible and multidimensional universe. And I guess we don’t have to know, otherwise we would…
        Fine I’ll let you know 🙂 I don’t have a date yet, though I’d love to go there again a.s.a.p…

  2. Yep — hearin’ that. I’ve felt all my life the “set up” in the world is horrible. People don’t like to talk about it because they’re taught to just accept it and continue on like there’s nothing that can be done about it. I call the system a vampire. It’s soulless, cold, and evil. And it’s not stupid. It has a powerful hold on the world. I’ve let go of it and I’m finding that I’m in a difficult position now. I love being in Germany, I love being married to Steffi and I feel blessed to have good health and awareness. I believe and feel that who I am is not mistake, not a problem. I also believe that when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging – so that is what I’ve done. At least I’ve stopped digging. We’ll what possibilities arise without that distraction. Thanks for your honesty and bravery, Fillandra. — Kim

    • Hello and welcome Kim 🙂

      Do you know why the system feels soulless, cold and maybe even evil to us? Because we grew out if it. Yet, I’ve learned that it’s a part of us as. The system is no external evil something. It’s a structure created by the human collective, by us all in many lives. Some lives ago (for me) or even some time ago in this life, we used to fit into it like a baby in the arms of its mother – it served us very well – and so it still does for many which is why it’s still there. I personally, can hardly imagine that haha, but I objectively feel that’s how it is.
      And I also have something Teal Swan recently wrote, in the back of my mind here. She wrote that we cannot come into a structure, perfectly fitting, feeling comfortable and create change at the same time, that’s simply impossible. I love how she helps me to word things 🙂
      I found my peace and understanding with the way things are at the time but as soon as someone tries to force me into the old, I’ll roar and protect my life path and message like a lion mother does when someone gets too close to her kids. 🙂

      Yes I feel this blessed too and I’m happy to hear you feel this way 🙂
      I feel blessed that I came to a place emotionally where I feel that no matter how hard it sometimes is, how down I sometimes am and how much intense things I have to work myself through – I still wouldn’t want to be anybody else. I feel right for being me. This has been yeeears of shadow work (I started doing this healing this work before I even had a name for all of these things), and that’s why I feel so blessed and relieved.

      Today is a difficult and energetically contradictory feeling day, but I take it with patience… nothing new anyway. It stops being scary. Yet I hope my fuzzy mind doesn’t mirror in my writing too much 😀

      As I thanked Steffi, so I thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it so so much. I thank you for the inspiring feedback 🙂

      Much Love and Light
      Fillandra

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