You know that when you just stay up, though you’ve actually have been tired? You know you only have 6 hours or so left till you have to get up again, but you just can’t convince yourself to surrender to the pillows.
I’m dearly sorry for my fiancé, who visits me tomorrow and will have a tired something once again.
I could almost say I’m addicted to the nights peaceful inspiration (I love this freedom, it’s a relief for an empath to be up when most of the local collective is asleep) , but no, I just love it a lot – and it’s just phases. I also enjoy this privilege of having a lifestyle at this time, which allows this most of the time (though I mostly can’t sleep in those nights I need to xD) and I enjoy it for all those who can’t, along.

Tonight I watched Miley Cyrus videos of her being goofy with friends, just random “funny moments”… and it got me like uhhh I love this craziness. She sings and dances and doesn’t care.
I bet you know that when you see something and feel like damn I want to be like this too.
I don’t even need to wish for becoming a crazy wild one because I’m the only one who knows who I am when no one else is around 😀 and I definitely am crazy and free.
I just wish I’d have it easier to share this with others. But the thought that they’d probably think I have become someone else, though I’m just showing more of who I can be, and maybe they don’t even like it- this unables me over and over again.
But on the other hand I have gotten so much more relaxed and way more down to the ground of reality while still giving my best to reach the highest stars at the same time – more authentic and a little louder let’s say. The people I have met in the past years, the wonderful friends who turned my life upside down and the man, the beautiful soul by my side, who files my life with love and light – thanks to all of them for being a mirror to my soul and such priceless inspiration.

Now I took the post to a different place than the original inspiration… oh well that’s  art in flow ❤
Here I sit past 3 am, listening to Joan Jett, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Foreigner, Journey, Alice Cooper, ACDC, ….
And doing what fills my life with joy – writing and sharing.

I just haaave to mantion, if you have insomnia/problems to sleep at night and it effects you negativly – turn your phone and computer, and whatever electronic, off and leave it in another room than the one you sleep in, or at least far out of reach. I swear it helps. As well as writing it all out, if thoughts keep you up, aaand turning off the electricity can help too, if you’re as high sensitive as I am – and if it’s possible at your house at all…

Well but this night I have no nerve to be a “good person” I say fuck flower it! I don’t care. Can’t stand life without some rebel mind.
I’ll do this (the tips above) next night though, for sure.



4 thoughts on “Sleepless

  1. Thank you for writing it all out, dear Fillandra!

    Yup, I know this feeling and was up loong, too… in spite of being totally exhausted (had to go to the Arbeitsamt and Jobcenter, yesterday – the latter again, tomorrow). In fact, I was amazed by how creative I still was. Maybe this is something beyond the typical empathy/ rebel mind issues…?

    Much love,

    • Thank you Steffi, for appreciating and commenting ❤
      Well that's a fabulous question… hmm
      Well my sleep rhythm is all over the place xD in emotionally uncalm times my diet and my sleep is mostly out of order as well. And I can't force it to be the way "it should be". That won't work and only lead to self hate attacks… I never really saw more depth in it actually…
      Blessings ❤

      • Yes, I hear you and can relate to that very well from my own experience. It just felt so different to me, yesterday, and I was blasted with inspirational information (from the internet as well as via “inner wisdom”). So, I was just wondering, if it perhaps was not just me… 🙂

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