I just came back to Wiesbaden, from a ten days vacation at my dad’s house near the Baltic sea. I saw once again why I’ve learned to go into experiences of any kind without expectations, or at least as few as possible. I expected these vacations to be filled with the typical vacation feeling. That it’d be joyous and bring ground breaking new inspirations for my future job as a healing coach (now that I successfully finished the education courses I’ve visited in Lindau over the past half year). Each time I expect something as if I couldn’t imagine any other possible option, the universe shows me: of course there is another option.
The first days have been an emotional up and down, I saw my childhood repeat itself in the outside. Means: I saw behavior patterns repeat themselves between my dad and my little half siblings, I saw situations repeat with them and I believed to see them, feel like I used to feel. Of course I’m aware that they probably didn’t feel exactly like I did and that I only see unhealed wounds and pending lessons/realizations mirrored on them. So I watched and I hurt, for 7 days, until it finally broke through. On Sunday night it exploded between my dad and me and I finally had a chance to speak out how he used to make me feel, with what he thought was fun for both of us. For years it has been an issue for me, that I wasn’t able to word myself as a child, that I couldn’t word what I felt, couldn’t share how I perceived the world and worst of all – that my no wasn’t heard.
We had a long conversation and each of us understood a lot. I, for example, realized that I couldn’t get over this issue alone because it was meant to teach him something. Since that night I feel lighter. This has been the break through I expected, though it’s different from what I thought.
Being back now I feel weird, okay though, but I’m aware that Wiesbaden insn’t my place to be anymore. I have my things to do here, still, but who knows for how long. The side effect of living a conscious life is, that you see things ending loooong before they are over.
What I learned today, observing crows in the park (if you follow me on instagram you know) is, “be like a raven Fillandra”. They live joyously, in a huge family, they share their food and each has their place. They don’t know worries, they know their place and fully live the moment. The universe feeds them.They are one of my animal guides for a reason. 🙂
May big wings carry you!
Good night from Germany ❤
(Images: Marked place of Wiesbaden, where I started writing the post, earlier this evening. Copyright by me)